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10 Lessons From The Month Of April

As a practicing Christian, the resurrection of Christ should be the biggest event in the Month of April; but if you imagine a certain house where about N13billion in different currencies were locked up in spectacular fashion, you begin to have a rethink. This is to Apartment 7B of 16 Osborne roads Ikoyi, and the ten things we learned in the enigmatic month of April.

1. What is the President’s Health Status?

Being absent from two consecutive Federal executive council meetings, given an express directive that he wants most official duties brought to the comfort of his quarters at Aso Rock, and his very minimal public appearances begs the question. See, I care a lot about the President, oops that might not be true, but I do wish him well because I am his subject and so please Lai Mohammed tell us, What is the Presidents' Health Status? Don’t even bother answering, because we already know your response.

2. Apartment 7B

Chai, diarisgodoooo! My ears have heard things and my eyes have seen things. Those who own apartments in the building will make you laugh or cry: Three former governors, NIA boss, former NNPC managing director, former Chairman of GTBank, A senior advocate of the Federation and a billionaire businessman. Ayodele Oke. Locking up money that is enough to set up over 15,000 young Nigerians for life, I might not be God but I think he will find it difficult to forgive you and others like you. I will not talk much on this because we already know the story but these people are heartless: $43.4million, N23.2million, £27,800. Let me go to bed first and dream of this money, I am seriously believing God that I will wake up a rich man.

3. He Belongs to Nollywood

He, first of all, appeared before the senate with a convocation gown, then after his certificate scandal, he deemed it fit to return to ABU Zaria in customized polos celebrating with students. He then was suddenly attacked on Easter eve, and the man rolled on the ground in his white Agbada in thanksgiving to God and took to Instagram to share the picture. Chai, Dino Melaye is a dramatist; he has no business with the Nigerian upper chambers. No, He more of fits in well in the film industry.

4. Based on Logistics

#Efenation. And the Big brother Naija finally came to a close with Efe emerging a deserved winner. I missed quite a chunk of the show but ‘based on logistics’ is now like a national anthem in Nigeria more so that it was used even by the presidency. So permit me to say, based on logistics, Big brother Naija has no business being held outside Nigeria. If its thatch house that we can find here, let’s use it. Congrats Efe.

5. Babachir and Oke; the Blade Strikes

When the blade is up, learn to keep your head down. That is a popular adage, and for large parts of this administration, the fight against corruption seems selective at best. Good that the President has shown willingness to hit his own people when they are perceived to abuse their office. Babachir Lawal felt like a god in Aso rock and abused funds made for internally displaced persons while Ayodele Oke was paying rent to an apartment in Ikoyi that was housing some N13billion of taxpayers’ money. Oke is funny anyway, he came running to Osibanjo like a baby who does not know his right from his left and was surprised at being shut out completely. Hmmm, that feeling of falling from grace.

6. Oba of Lagos Vs Ooni of Ife: Clash of Titans

When two elephants fight, the ground suffers; except they are not fighting. This is just a case of someone snubbing another person. It happens every time, try wooing a pretty lady if you have not experienced it. But this Oba Akiolu, his own is too much self, I don’t just want to go back and remember the lagoon incident that preceded the 2015 elections. Things I have forgotten. But then his apartment caught fire. Okay, let me be going now.

7. Officially Out of Recession

Yes ooo. Finally, we are out of recession or so we are made to believe. Things are still super expensive in the market, the price of foodstuffs are still climbing, salaries has not yet increased, even there are still concrete rumors of impending fuel price increment. Anyway, amidst all these, I am proud of President Buhari for the second time this month because even though he led us there, he still led us out of recession. At least on paper #Babagoslow

8. A Match for the Soul: Mourinho Still Got It

Have you seen Manchester United this season; the most boring team you will ever watch by a mile, even Middlesbrough is more entertaining. A man living in his past glory I thought till I watched Man Utd Vs Chelsea and my perception changed, Chelsea finished the game without a shot on target plus that thing with Herrera and Hazard. A form is temporal but class is permanent, and Jose Mourinho is still class.

9. The Prisoner of Conscience: Free at Last

 When Justice Binta Nyako pronounced the words, what all and sundry wanted to see was the action the government would take; Nnamdi Kanu’s case is a special one that has involved numerous flouting of court orders. A certain Ayodele Fayose from Ekiti State was there, Femi Fani-Kayode who was to be arraigned that same afternoon was there, and a whole lot of friends and well-wishers. No wonders the Federal government respected themselves this time and allowed the judiciary to act in autonomy. After 18 months, Kanu is out. The spirit and the flesh are still strong and he has started out by paying courtesy visits to who is who in the country. Brethren, the struggle continues!

10. Meningitis is out

Yeah, you heard it right. It already struck 90 out of 774 LGA’s across 16 states of the country including Lagos and Kano. Be watchful, check out for the symptoms including Stiff neck, high fever, rash, headache, vomiting, and always mixing things up. If you notice any abnormal signs, please consult a doctor. Thank you.

For a month greatly characterized with picking stray money; $50million in Ikoyi house, N250million in Balogun market, $10,000 picked by a Good Samaritan UBA security man. Hmmm, I hope I get the chance to run into such money one day, I trust it will bring out the Good Samaritan in me. But before I draw the curtain, I cannot forget to say a big HAPPY EASTER to you all. Our Risen Christ is still the Reason. Have a nice read. And yes you read that right, some of us are still celebrating Easter. 

                                                                                                              Dubem Val

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