I have come to realize that there is no holiday like Christmas. Is it the ample supply of mouth watering delicacies steaming from the different sizes of pots available in each house, or the fun of being around family and friends who you haven't seen in a long time, or the long journey you had to embark just to see your granny in the village, or adding twelve pounds over the next couple of days that will probably take you six months of hitting the gym to shed, or …?
A lot of things are used to remember this season as most of us see it. But importantly, those who believe in Christmas and can afford it all make merry. As I reflect on this week that ushers in a new year, I realized that there are 10 lessons which i ought to share
1) Jingle Bells has a Naija Version
Dashing through the snow, on a one horse open sleigh
Over the fields we go. Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail rings, making spirits bright
Oh what fun it is to sing, a sleighing song tonight.
Maybe that was how nice the Christmas season was when Lord Pierpont composed that song in 1850; but times and weather differ. In Nigeria, our song is more like this;
Dashing through the dust, with one nostril you breathe,
In the market you are lost, just to get chicken to eat
You expend all your pay, to get good Christmas trees
25th is just one day, January brings school fees.
So my dear people be wise, don’t spend all your life savings in a merry two week.
2) Christmas Trees pays Salaries
I give it up for Rochas Okorocha; six hundred million Naira gets your state the tallest Christmas tree in the country and some people still argue that money cannot buy happiness. For me o, that is a colossal achievement for the man in the Douglas house except of course for the fact that it coincided with when the civil servants were being paid their10 months salary. salary.
Christmas miracle or juju? I can't say. But I do know that the Imo State Governor needs to be rescued from his rescue mission. Well, that is unless there is a magical formular in the Christmas tree that will make it bear fruits of naira notes.
3) The Message of Hope is a message of what it spells- HOPE
“I felicitate with all Nigerians especially our Christian brothers and sisters on the joyous occasion of this years’ Christmas. Let us re-dedicate ourselves to the virtues of love, peace, honesty, justice, equity, service to others. I particularly urge you to remember the victims of terrorism in the country especially the internally displaced persons… The 2016 budget defines our commitment to give Nigerians a new lease of life... In this regard efforts will be intensified to recover stolen funds, block revenue leakages and enthrone due process, transparency and accountability… Merry Christmas Nigeria.”
I wish that my voice, but that was the message from our amiable Oga at the top- President Mohammed Buhari. While I use my colander to sieve the stones in that message of fine flour, I still refuse to be among those who criticize Mr. President when he hasn’t stayed up to a year in office. I believe you Sir, especially the part that says efforts will be intensified to recover stolen funds. But, 2016 is a few days away, and we are all watching keenly. Let me hope my flour will make fine bread and not seedy amala.
4) Where Are The Chibok Girls? Is a Million Dollar Question.
This is a question that should be included in the next episode of who wants to be a millionaire. Time can indeed make us forget a lot. About 18 months ago, nothing could be said in this country if it did not pertain to the Chibok girls. Dwayne Johnson, Michelle Obama and a host of other international stars at different points supported the hash tag #bringbackourgirls.
The then first lady in her own way tried to express her plight but ended up cracking our ribs with
“chei chei this blood you people are sharing in Boronu, Diaris God oooo”.
Even though I found that hilarious, the most appalling of all stunts was that of Kyrian Adokiye- the Nigerian actress who in the heat of the moment offered her virginity to Boko Haram in exchange of the girls. Well, much was not made out of it but if the sect had taken her up on that offer and had it televised on a screen, I would have paid top dollar to see it.
So much has happened since then. The army has told us that Boko Haram has now been defeated, Sambisa has been taken over by our troops etc. Yet, one question remains unanswered.
Where are the Chibok girls?
5) Strikes are always the best answers
What can be more intriguing than when the Federal Government whose duty is to solely protect her citizen decides to make a policy that is at the expense of their comfort and means of livelihood?
Sometime last year the FG woke up on a cold morning and announced to the nation that she had sacked 20,000 medical doctors. The NMA replied by embarking on an indefinite strike. We all know how that story ended.
History repeated itself albeit by 90% if not more earlier this week, when the FG announced that 2,000 lecturers across Nigeria had been relieved of their duties. Lol. As usual, SSANU replies in the best way we know. For the sake of Nigerian students, we hope ASUU does not join them in their ongoing strike.
I don’t know why it always has to be the figure 2 that is prefixed to the zeros. But I am currently embarking on a 20 day fasting and prayer session to pray that the federal government does not retrench 200,000 primary and secondary school teachers next year or we would have a crisis that will make the “occupy Nigeria” protest of 2012 look like a mere child’s play.
Maybe if the whole country should go on strike, the fuel price may…
6) Drama is now in the Nigerian Court
If you are a fan of legal matters then you should try and watch Suits or Boston legal as they are not short on dramas as well as court politics and espionage.
Fortunately for us, the drama has come down to our very own Nigerian courts as a really intriguing episode played itself out on the 22nd of December.
Justice Ahmed Mohammed decided to excuse, or should I say rescued himself from the fresh allegations brought upon the self-imposed Biafran leader Nnamdi Kanu whom he had just set free less than two weeks ago. The accused refuses to be tried again in court stating that he has lost confidence in the judiciary. His continued detention begs to ask if the Government is now above the law or is there any truth behind the truth that we should know about?
Now we hear that Mr. Kanu is apologizing.
Nollywood directors should see this as an inspiration before it becomes the next episode on Suits.
7) The Military and the Shittes...
Hmm! The last time I checked, I was still a bloody civilian. Bearing this at the back of my mind I will refrain from making further comments on this issue. We do not know what exactly is transpiring, but we do believe in advocating for what is right. A bloody massacre is no way of righting any wrong.
8) PDP finally wins something
Just before now, PDP lost the presidency, lost the majority in the Senate and as well as in the House of Assembly. The ship was truly sinking but what was more daunting in all of this was the fact that those who managed to win started losing their seat in the appeal court in way that begs to suggest that the judiciary and the APC share wine openers in the same bar every evening.
I no talk anything ooo.
Dickson Ishaku, Nyesom Wike, David Mark, Udom Gabriel, are the most popular amongst many others. But a miracle happened in Delta State. Ifeanyi Okowa won in court. Maybe Santa decided to send them an early Christmas present.
9) English Premier League Drama
I am not going to focus on the fact that Louis Van Gaal should have been a better parliamentarian than a football manager, or that Liverpool fans are the most ludicrous in the EPL. I am a Liverpool fan and we somehow seem to think we can win the league after one win in four matches.
No, this is about Arsene Wenger who unmanned himself in spectacular fashion after Liverpool finally did him a favour. You need Jeezes Arsene!
10) There will always be tragedy, even at Christmas
When Boko haram finally decides to let Christians celebrate Christmas in peace, a Gas plant explodes in Nnewi, Anambra State. Over a 100 persons received various degrees of burns. What a loss. May their soul rest in perfect peace, Amen.
Wherever you maybe, we owe our lives to God almighty.
Merry Christmas Fellas and a Prosperous New Year.
By Dubem Val.
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Real nice
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading
Deletei concur! enjoyed every bit!! nd laughed nd cried.
ReplyDeleteOya take tissue.
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