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Ten Lessons From The Month Of September

If there is one month that usually comes with mixed feelings, that should be September; because the tail end of the year comes with a lot of evil but yet people cannot wait for the year to run out to see what the New Year has in store for them. But for a month that had Patience Jonathan under scrutiny, this is to MMM and the ten lessons we learnt from the month September.

1) Nigeria Plunges Into Recession

Well it is not like you and I do not know this fact but our leaders kept telling us things will get better. Anyway, the situation got so bad that for the first time our politicians lost confidence in their own lies and it Nigeria Bureau of Statistics finally published it for all and sundry to see. Kudos to them for letting us know that I cannot afford to feed on rice as a corps member, I hear a bag is now N24, 000. Hmmm, Nigeria we hail thee

2) What Is Your Mavro?

An old adage used to say that desperate times calls for desperate measures, so it was no surprise how MMM spread like wildfire in this period of recession. Just invest and within 30days you get 30% of your invest with your capital; very easy shebi, just ask those in Zimbabwe and South Africa how far. Personally, I still think those trying to provide help are still more in Nigeria, but once the tide turns around and those requesting help are more, better run for your dear life, Thank you.

3) September 23: Biafra Gaining Momentum

An order was given in the whole eastern states to celebrate Nnamdi Kanu’s one year in prison, and on the agreed day, Ibo land was like a graveyard, economic activities halted, market people failed to open and even passersby refused to pass. As funny as it sounds, from fear or loyalty, the truth is that the people obeyed in their numbers. Remember Nigeria has a rich history of people leaving prisons to become leaders and given that a popular Biafran is in prison, I cannot help but wonder. Anyway I won’t have much of a problem switching sides given that Nigeria is in a recession

4) Edo Decides

On the 28th of September, Edo state finally decided to hold their much-awaited election and in much-anticipated fashion, the ruling party won once again. Well, congrats to Obaseki or do I say Oshiomhole. As usual, the PDP touts in Edo protested, and like we all know Ize-Iyamu will soon go to court; oh, we also know that the case will stay in court till Obaseki’s eight years expires. Nigerian State elections have become so predictable.

5) Bag of Rice to Sell at N9000

Yes! You had me right, but it is not about to happen oo, it just a political promise from the Governor of Anambra state Wilie Obiano that will take effect if his party APGA wins Nigerian presidency come 2019. Gov. Willie, I believe you, I know you are one of the best governors presently in Nigeria, but by 2019 we would all have died. Just do it now and watch the whole Nigeria come down to Anambra to buy Rice.

6) Congrats Governor Dickson

Personally, I never knew Gov. Seriake Dickson of Bayelsa had no child. But when the news of his wife given birth to a set of quadruplet broke, it must have been like the joy that comes in the morning. My dear Governor, whether it is through Invitro fertilization or Artificial insemination or the normal way, we don’t care, just cherish those babies, because they are your miracles from Heaven.

7) Jonathan Under EFCC Radar

She was accused of money laundering and operating unauthorized accounts with the name of her servants. In fact, calls are coming from all angles to prosecute her and some of her strongholds have threatened that the 4 major towers of the NNPC will be bombed down if she is ever arrested. She owns one of the country’s most expensive hotels where a night costs as high as N367, 000 and yet her state has some of the poorest individuals the country can think of. Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for Patience Jonathan, our Okrika born enigmatic former first lady.

8) Leave Our National Assets

We are in a recession, yes, but that does not mean we have to sell off everything the country owns. We sold off waste management, has it gotten better? The same applies to NEPA. Mr. President, please warn your advisers to stay clear of our National assets before we start paying through our noses to enjoy what we ordinarily should be getting free.

9) The World Peace Day

It is pitiable how we are always willing to kill each other around here over any slight differences in religion. Why our religious leaders smile together and rub minds on how to push us forward. Look no further than September 20th that the world peace day was celebrated. Even our dear Emir Sanusi was laughing and holding hands with Pope Francis. That is the spirit my brethren, embrace peace and end religious violence.

10) Earth Tremors in Kaduna

Hmmm, this one is heavy, we don’t usually hear of natural disasters around this part of the world but what has been happening in some parts of Kaduna bugs the mind. The earth begins to vibrate and people are thrown into chaos, already a lot of people have fled Jaba local government of Kaduna state and those still there must be sleeping with one eye open. O God, please help us in Nigeria.
But till we meet next month, I hope you celebrated the public holiday of October 1 for as long as I am concerned, there is nothing else to celebrate about that date. So long till you read my October version.

                                                                        Dubem Val

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