10 Lessons From The Month Of May

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10 Lessons From The Month Of May

Hashimu Suleiman, we remember him for his deed and not his name. On announcement of the 2015 election results he picked up his jungle boots and trekked from Lagos to Abuja for Buhari. Little did the good man know he would have to be trekking to work in the same regime on account of high fuel price. Brace up guys; this is to buying fuel for N145 and the ten things we learnt this beautiful month of May.

1) Royal Rumble in Edo Upper Chambers

Let’s not forget when upper cut punches were thrown in the Nigeria house of assembly in broad day light or when Chidi Lloyd broke a colleagues head with the Mast of authority in the Rivers house. What happened in Edo, though, on the 3^rd of this month really dwarfs them. The speaker Hon. Tiger Edoror was summarily impeached on a true account of pocketing the money that was meant for his members and he reacted by storming the complex with over a hundred armed thugs who released Schwarzenegger mode bullets in the air causing commotion in the house and living many persons injured.

And most of us keep wondering while Nigerians don’t patronize the Cinemas that much; if our leaders gives us live entertainment free of charge, then who are we to go spend our hard earned money watching works of fiction.

2) President Buhari Removes Fuel Subsidy

“Anybody who says he is subsidizing anything is a fraud”. Lol, those were the very words of President Buhari in 2011. I won’t say much, just that time has a way of making us sabotage our own words. They told us something similar with NEPA, how well has the electricity distribution companies done for you? Ask those in Ikeja.

Fellow Nigerians, if the fuel price is too much for you, key into senator common sense advice and consider getting a horse, but if a stallion is still too expensive, bicycle is always available. Thank you.

3) Avengers: The New Militia in Town

We know the acronym NDA, but if you still refer to that as ‘Nigeria Defense Academy’ then sorry to say you are still living in the past, because the boys from the creek are back in full force. And this time they have rebranded themselves ‘Niger Delta Avengers’, from blowing up trunk lines belonging to Shell and Agip, to bombing NNPC pipelines and Chevron power plants. Their nefarious activities have cut down Nigerian production by some 30% in a space of two months.

In fact, new currencies have surfaced bearing the republic of Niger delta. These boys mean business oo, but they should try to inform me before they start a war, I have already parked my bags. After all, Cameroon is not far

4) Nigeria Labour Bullorck

Early 2012, while the citizens of this country were busy welcoming the New Year, the then Jonathan led government implemented a 135% increment in the price of petrol, what followed from the Labour union was phenomenal, a total shutdown of the economy and an ‘occupy Nigeria’ protest that was never seen since the likes of the 1993 revolution.

Four years later, something similar happened but the Labour Union could not even muster an organized strike action, two factions of same congress who are at loggerheads with each other, along with a trade union congress backed out of a strike before it was even discussed; how will they even be able to negotiate a new minimum wage. No wonder the government is playing ball and enjoying themselves on the playing field. So, don’t blame me for comparing the NLC to a castrated bull.

5) Tomato Ebola

Just February this year we made stew in my house with N100 fresh tomatoes; it lasted for a whole week. Fast forward four months later this strange disease that has been tagged Ebola by both ignorant and enlightened Nigerians came and destroyed most our tomato farms and now a tomato is even more expensive than an apple.

Just learn your life lessons from this; things can turn around very quickly and no condition is permanent.

6) The Girls from Chibok Start to Resurface

Over 250 of them were kidnapped, April 2016 was their 2^nd year anniversary in Bokoharam captivity, and finally one of them is rescued. Amina Alli Nkeki resurfaced with a baby, a pregnancy and a sect husband. She could not communicate in English which made me wonder how a girl who was taken from the WAEC hall will not be able to speak English.

Anyways, she was given five star treatment in Aso rock, and so far I have no problem with that. I hope President Buhari is ready to do same for the rest of the girls when they are rescued because yes, they will be expecting it and they will come with a baby, probably a pregnancy, and let’s not forget a sect husband.

7) Fulani Crackdown: for Once I Support Fayose

He might be an ardent talkative, or he might a disrespectful critic of higher authority but it only took two Ekiti state indigenes dying from the hands of Fulani herdsmen for him to issue a rousing “Terminate their lives” speech  to his subjects and ban open grazing. Most of Ekiti herdsmen have departed the state and the ones still there are living in absolute fear.

Such pro-activity is what is needed from our Governors in the south. The nefarious acts of the herdsmen deserve an eye for an eye. Ortom of Benue have lost over 500 persons and Ugwuayim lost more than a 100 persons in Enugu and still they stand on the side of diplomacy. No way! I might not like Fayose a lot, but in this matter, I am standing behind him.

8) PDP Going South

It is not enough that the party has most of its governors leading in the southern part of Nigeria, their internal crisis might as well mean that the party goes south for good. Impeachment of Chairmen, unending Court cases, disagreement on various levels and internal politics within themselves means that they might not even be substantial enough to muster a fight back against APC come 2019.

Subsidy was removed, hardship was grinding the mouth of Nigerians; there was an opportunity to launch a civilized attack and mass action against the ruling party but no, they were busy impeaching Ali Modu Sheriff. Let them continue, very soon we will regret to announce their demise.

9) Hala Madrid

Congratulations Real Madrid. I won’t focus on the fact that as much as I loved football that the UCL final was so boring that I slept off and woke up halfway, nor the fact that Cristiano Ronaldo has been a serial below average player in all the four UCL finals I have watched him play in; Forget he scored the last shootout. 

I will focus on Yannick Carrasco and what he did after putting the ball in the back of the net, he rushed to his girlfriend in the stands and shared a long passionate French kiss with her. That moment did it for me, and of course Alicia Key’s performance.

10) Happy Anniversary APC

It was May 29^th and the radios and TV’s were buzzing, singing praises of the APC led government and what they had achieved. Bokoharam is gradually becoming extinct, for that I raise my hand, corrupt officials are being taken to court and charged for their crimes; my hands are still up. But none of these things have affected me directly and it makes me wonder why am raising my hands. The price of everything has almost doubled in the markets since APC took over, we are now buying fuel for an outrageous amount, salaries and pensions have not been topped by a pin, my national service was postponed four times this year, NYSC Batch A stream II are still at home; these are the list of things that have affected me directly and they are all in the negative light.

Mr. President your three campaign promises were ending insurgency, fighting corruption and economic resurgence. Fair enough you have made good your word on the first two but the third even carries far greater weight than the rest. People are starving and yet you have spent over $50 million touring the world, banning importation of rice from neighboring countries when it is obvious that our domestic production cannot satisfy the demand, now a cup of rice sells for as high as N100.

Agreed, Jonathan’s government was overtly corrupt but your government is failing, and when people can no longer make ends meet, they will resort to crime and corruption. Do not let your aim be defeated and better utilize your remaining years well, for now there is nothing to be happy about in this your anniversary.

I will draw the curtain on this edition guys till we meet again next month. On a special note, I would like to wish a happy birth month to the madam of Heartforte; Miss Constance Onyeji. Keep shining but just don’t forget, you still owe me some cake.

                                                                                                     Dubie Val