Ten Lessons From The Month Of March

Ten Lessons From The Month Of March

Hello, President Buhari.

This is Nigeria speaking. With just two months away from your one year in office, we decided to put this call across to you. To inform you that your bedding in period is over. This is your hour of Grace and after now we expect to see results. We know you inherited an ailing economy but we are no longer interested in that, we want to see things improve, we want to see light in our homes and we want to stop buying fuel at N150 per liter. Please this is our clarion call unless of course you want to see us unleash the kind of pressure that made Jonathan grow white hair within two years in office, given that you are seventy something I don’t know how that will pan out. But hold on Mr. Nigeria, this is to the child bride Ese Oruru and the ten things we learnt in this month of march:

1) Jonathan Presses the Panic Button

Very funny right, but the former President of the Federal republic has somehow realized that there is fire on the mountain and the fire is coming for his house. This came after the revelation that top aides in the Jonathan’s administration including Fani-Kayode, Olu Falae, Achike Udenwa, Viola Onwuliri and others participated in sharing the better part of N3billion naira of the Dasuki fund. The former president convened a meeting with his former aides and the main topic of discussion was on how to make sure the anti-corruption axe does not clamp down on him.

I know there have been calls from several prominent Nigerians asking Buhari not to entertain the thought of probing Jonathan as it would be a slight to the office he presently occupies. Yes it is difficult to argue with this people, but this is a man with a doctorate degree and yet since he left office, all we have been hearing is how different top officials in his government looted billions out of this country. So I say if he is found culpable, he should be probed as no one after all is above the law.

2) The Ese Oruru Conundrum

The story does not usually end well when you fall in love at thirteen, the Chief reason being that things like eloping from home and starting a life with your lover stays at the top of your mind. For Ese Oruru, who was alleged to have been kidnapped, forcefully converted and married. She learnt the hard way. A close look at what happened shows that the young teen involved did most of these things out of her own volition than by force.

So what crime did Yinusa commit? A country that has a law stating that a married minor should be accorded the respects of an adult and treated as such, and a lawmaker used it to defend himself when he got married to a twelve year old. Then an Hausa boy, who went to Almajiri School and was taught in a religion that accommodates child marriage commits the same crime and it becomes national problem. The lad does not even understand his crimes, for all he knows, he just wanted to take home a bride to his mother. Ignorance of the law is not an excuse but Yinusa’s true crime was simply eloping with someone’s daughter and getting married to her without her parents’ consent. But unlike in the movies, they failed to live happily ever after.

3) Ekiti House Invasion: An Abuse of Power

Remember Ayodele Fayose, the controversial governor of Ekiti state who posted the controversial advert during the electioneering period of Presidents from the north-western part of the country and their track history of kicking the bucket in office? The thing is, since a man from north-west was sworn in as the president of this country, his state has known no peace.

From talks of impeachment to spitting fire on the presidency, what happened earlier this month can be termed as pure dictatorship. DSS operatives invaded an honorable state house of assembly and opened fire in the air while everyone scampered to safety, and when they were done scaring the hell out of people they stole away lawmakers like they were ordinary chickens.

Nawaa o, things like this should not be heard in this country. This is not how civil discourse is carried out in a democracy. What if those bullets had mistakenly fallen on innocent civil servants who were employed in the Ekiti state house of assembly? Now, we hear that one of the lawmakers who was carted away died in custody; what is more baffling is that no one from a leading position in this county has come out to criticize what happened in Ekiti state. I just hope that we are not running an autocratic system of government.

4) 34,000 Ghost What?

While the youth are busy crying that there are no jobs, the workers are wailing about being paid peanuts and the students are busy complaining that there needs are not well met, some 34,000 workers whose jobs are only to seat down in their houses and receive alerts at the end of each month were busy milking the federal government of a whopping N3.5billion naira on a monthly basis. Thanks to the BVN introduced by the CBN that these criminals were caught.

Some of them were said to have died long ago but their salaries still came and was received by people while in other cases up to 500 accounts were opened in one branch of the same bank in a single day. Hmm, Awoof to dey sweet especially in this country but the bodies in charge should make sure they bring everybody responsible for this scam to the book even if they are in the great beyond.

5) 909 Workers: CBN Shady Employments

It is heartbreaking when things like this happen. There are thousands of youth in this country who have done well in school and pray for opportunities to work in a place like the CBN. But no, such high class jobs are reserved for the elites. 909 persons employed over the last two years, and the last 91 contains the daughter of Atiku Abubakar, a son of Ibe Kachikwu and a nephew of President Buhari. With all the anti-corruption hype this is exactly what breaks your heart as a youth even though most of us lost confidence in the system a long time ago. They tell you to learn how to make liquid soaps, powder, zobo drinks and embrace agriculture, to be an entrepreneur while their children are employed in the central bank.

The Federal character commission is already investigating these employments but I somehow know nothing will come out of it since the big wits of the society are involved in this. But our leaders should take heed from Abacha and the South African apartheid saga and be careful with the vices they create today as they find it to be their undoing in the future.

6) Who Rocked the AMVCA?

Good, to break away from the tussles of politics and delve into the world of entertainment. Why did we like AMVCA? Well maybe because Mercy Aigbe and Rita Dominic looked absolutely stunning in their dresses or because RMD and Desmond Elliot know how to wear a good tux, and Mike Ezuruonye too; the dude is too handsome. Blossom Chukwujekwu; his Isiagu traditional Igbo attire did it for me. Brother mi, just keep repping.

But it’s a viewer’s choice award and we were the ones voting. Honorable mention to Adesua Etomi for knocking Genevieve off her feet. I voted for Genny but there is no denying that Adesua did an amazing job in Falling. My respects to “The Bossman” Daniel .K. Daniel, it was high time someone climbed the O.C Ukeje dynasty and you deserve every bit of the success you are getting, well done. I give special applause to Stephanie Linus for the heavy topic she raised up in Dry. My best part though was the heartwarming speech given by our mummy Bukky Ajayi. 40 years in the industry and you could still make everyone stand on their feet. We love you mummy.

On other notes, if you have the movie “Tell me sweet something” please kindly contact me, I don’t understand how a South African movie would pack most of our awards in Lagos Nigeria and we are yet to see the movie in our Cinemas. Kindly comment below if you know how I can reach that movie, I desperately need to see it. Thanks shaa, in advance.

7) Something Worse than Bokoharam

From the Aninih’s of the 80’s to the Shina Rambo’s of the 90’s down to Derico Nwamama’s of the 2000’s we have not seen a set of organized criminals like the ones we have today. From the Mai Taisine of the 80’s to the present day Bokoharam, Nigeria yet witnesses something worse than these insurgencies; The Fulani Herdsmen.

If they are not burning houses in Jos Plateau, then they are somewhere destroying farmlands in Delta and killing farm owners, or raping young girls in the 9^th mile corner of Enugu, or robbing farmers who go for their trades very early in the morning in Abakiliki. What kind of crimes exactly are the Fulani herdsmen yet to commit? Well suicide bombing I guess.

The recent invasion in Agatu LGA of Benue state by Fulani herdsmen that led to the death of about 500 persons is one of the greatest genocides ever witnessed in this country since the Hausa-Ibo clash of 2006, it made the Army invasion of Odi in 1999 look like the work of an amateur. The Baga genocide by Bokoharam is the only attack since their insurgency started in 2010 has claimed up to 500 lives at once, yet the nefarious activities of the Fulani herdsmen is not getting the attention it deserves.

This crisis has attained national status, and there is nothing as painful as killing one in his home. It is high time we convened a stake holders meeting for the organized crime carried out by the Fulani herdsmen; even Kenya grows synthetic grasses which their livestocks  graze on to avoid stories like this. Nigeria can do the same and find an effective way to rid this country of this cancer called herdsmen. Now is the time, now or never.

8) What is happening with JAMB?

Over 1.5million candidates registered for JAMB and wrote the computer based test this year. Then the body suddenly marks their examination with the 2015 software and fails almost all of them.

I am going to forget the fact that some parents had already beaten the hell out of their children for failing JAMB again, or that some of this candidates might have suffered high blood pressure or even collapsed on seeing their results. No, I am simply going to focus on the worst kind of incompetency I have seen from an institution in this country since my birth. Something like this cannot be a mistake; it is either a calculated attempt or a misdirected form of protest. But whatever it is, I would be sacking the registrar of JAMB and the people involved if I were the Minister of education. If they get through this without a scar to their names, then they should thank their stars that I am not in charge.

9) March; the Month of Tragic Losses

When death claims an entire family at a spot, we are forced to question God. This was the case of our former minister of state for labour James Ocholi. Our government told us stories of how the military was making giant strides against the Boko haram menace, but to our surprise, two suicide bombers caused chaos in Maidugri and claimed 44 innocent lives. Then, we had the Hausa’s and the Yoruba’s clash which lead to the death of 15 persons. When we thought the attacks were over, ISIS had other ideas in Brussels Belgium. The genocide in Benue state hade innocent villagers attacked in their homes, their lands destroyed, houses burnt to the grounds, their women raped and no fewer than 500 persons lost their lives. I never wish to witness a month like March 2016 for the duration of my life.

Okonta Samuel, the young man who went to serve his fatherland but lost his life in the rivers re-run election, May his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed rest in peace, Amen.

10) Why Always Rivers?

It has already been well established that politics is a dirty game, but level to which it is taken in Rivers state makes you question the sanity of politically active occupants of that state. In the 2015 elections, Rivers had the highest number of recorded election fatalities and malpractices, and any sane person would have learnt from that. But I guess not in rivers state where their sanity is in question.

In the latest rerun election, a former APC gubernatorial candidate was caught red handed snatching ballot boxes with armed men, then he became the first person to cry foul that assassins were on his trail. Another candidate of the same party stormed the INEC office and shamelessly demanded for his N12million naira on camera. Able bodied men fighting and bleeding themselves to death on the streets for politicians who do not know them. Then the sad story of the youth core member that lost his life to a stray bullet.

What prompted this question was when I tuned in to channels television and saw a supposed responsible and well potbellied man, who is old enough to be my father screaming that he will rather die here today than for a particular candidate not to be declared  the winner. Daddy I wanted to advice you but no need, it is too late for you. But those of us on the sidelines just had to ask ourselves the Mario Balotelli million dollar question; “Why Always Rivers?”

I trust you bought pure water at N20 and fuel for N150. Till we meet again next month, just don’t lose hope in Nigeria. And oh, Happy new Month.

                                                                                                Dubem Val.