“I don’t know which party my wife belongs to, but I know she belongs to my kitchen, my living room, and the other room.” What a dramatic month we have had ladies and gentlemen and I really thought the Buhari family was going to take this one, but no; for a month that saw 21 Chibok girls come out from a two and half years captivity, this is the sloppy miss Anambra and the ten things we learnt from the month of October.
1) More Girls from Chibok Resurface
We all know that one of them surfaced about 2 months ago and was given VIP treatment in Aso rock. Guess what? the Boko haram sect in their ‘magnanimity’ released 21 of them stating their willingness to cooperate with the government and release 83 more girls only if the government will meet their terms and conditions which include releasing some of the hardened sect members currently behind bars. Hmm! Let me speak for the government here; “We don’t negotiate with terrorists.” And oga Bubu, those girls are still waiting for their Aso rock welcome o!
2) When will Our Youths Learn?
You heard me right. I said youth, not girls because it would be insensitive to personalize this to a particular gender. The present story of Miss Anambra 2015 who has three hot X-rated videos flooding the internet comes to mind. We do a lot of things for fame and money which we live to regret in the not so distant future. Ask Miss Anambra her story and how she feels right now; only if she had known she was going to be a beauty queen in the future. Anyway, it is not every day we get to watch cucumber doing a beauty queen so my friends. This is not to justify or criticize the act, I believe we should be all be careful with whatever we do that can sting us in the back.
3) Dasukigate: Jonathan Speaks
“I don’t believe someone can just steal $2.2bn. We bought warships, we bought aircraft, we bought lots of army weapon and you are still saying $2.2bn was stolen, where did we get the money to buy those things?” Ko! From my UBA savings account. Either this man was totally ignorant of what was happening in his regime or he is gradually preparing his own defense. 1st December would make it one year of Dasuki’s incarceration and that would be a remarkable feat for Nigeria in the fight against corruption.
4) Where is the Other Room?
I must give it to the president for seeing a funny side and maneuvering what would have been a major crisis for the ruling family. But I know what a kitchen is, I know what a living room is, I just cannot make out what the other room is. Anyone with the slightest idea should please comment below.
5) The arrest of Judges: Where Do You Stand?
An unwarranted invasion or a classical end justifies the means situation. Certainly, lawyers across the country did not find it funny. Is it right? Depends on who you ask. I was more thrilled at how soft these judges are, it did not even take them up to 24 hours to spill out their guts, I, even heard one of them collapsed, lol. I still dobale for politicians, some of them have stayed one year in detention and yet no shaken.
6) HML to Fatimah
The clock seemed to stop on Friday 28th October following the marriage of Buhari’s daughter. Oh, how much I love marriages. Some amebos even took to social media to mock her for being a fourth wife. For me, everything went fine besides, of course, the fact Mr. President was absent. Someone needs to teach the man the values of family. Your vice president led the government delegation to your daughter’s wedding while you attend Jumat prayers. Hmmm, just random thoughts.
7) You Think Life is Unfair; Call Jose Mourinho
The press cannot give him a breathing space, he cannot even take a five minutes stroll, he started off the season so brightly and now things seem to have fizzled out. You think life is not fair on you, just remember Manchester united scored just one premier league goal in the whole of October.
8) Wizard Crashes: Blames Buhari
Buhari’s government seems to be getting a lot of sticks lately. A wizard who was purportedly flying from Benin to the UK on plantain leaf crashed in Sapele River and blamed Buhari’s government for his flight running out of fuel. Hmm, wonders won’t cease. To think that recently a witch crashed on top of a barbed wire in Isoko land while she was returning from one of her operations; it is high time the witches and wizardry world revisit their flight mechanisms because it is apparent that the current one is failing.
9) Urine Power
Nothing pleased me more this month than the news of how four teenage Nigerian girls produced a generator that runs on urine at the Maker Faire Africa competition. This was to promote the search for clean energy. Is that not something my friends, nothing will intrigue me more than waking up in the morning and dumping my morning waste in the fuel tank of my generator. Africa has hope, and I hope they pick these girls up and multiply this technology, because right now, fuel is too expensive.
10) Happy Independence
An old adage said that you save the best for last, but in this case, I am keeping the worst for last. What did we celebrate on the 1st of October? I will tell you; 56years of drained life, 56years of continuous inflation in the economy, 56 years of wanton looting among the elites, 56years of building infrastructures without building humans, 56 years of hardship, 56 years of having presidents over 56. That is what we celebrated and your so called president had the right to address the nation telling us that things will be better. He is quite lucky he is surrounded by security. Unless God does something drastic, then Nigeria is already a lost case. Do I dare suggest we suspend the celebration of October 1?
Well, even two military men were involved in the kidnap of the CBN governor’s wife, it shows how bad things have gotten. We are Nigerians and we survive against all odds, but as we look to see how America delivers their first female president, I wish you a lovely November.
Dubem Val
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