10 Lessons From The Month Of December, 2016

There are about three kinds of people you find in Nigeria now; the passive one who do not care if Nigeria stays as one or breaks into a million pieces, the sympathetic ones still have an iota of hope, believing that since corruption and Boko Haram will soon be of the past, only better thing await this country and the pessimists who blame every misfortune on Buhari and have adopted “this Buhari government” as their everyday slogan, I think I belong here.

But as we enjoyed the twilight of 2016, this is to 'silent night' and the ten things we learned in the month of December

1. Lafiyah Dole

Peace must reign! It must indeed. I can beat my chest and tell that I am proud of the Nigerian military. When their operations in the Northeast of the country was renamed Lafiyah dole from Zaman Lafiyah, and they promised that Boko Haram will be extinct by December, I thought it was usual jamboree stories, but they did it. They captured the Sambisa fortress and hoisted the Nigerian flag. Nigerians could not have asked for a better Christmas present. Well done to the military, well done Joint task force, I hate to say it but well done Mr. President. Peace indeed must reign.

2. The Silent Night

“…holy night! All is calm, all is bright. Round yon virgin mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace.”  Who are we deceiving; there is nothing silent about Christmas nights in Nigeria, except of course in 2016. The recession really dealt with people, no one wasted good money in buying fireworks, before now there was never a Christmas night I could hear myself, this time around I did very clearly, even the new year cross over nights when you saw fireworks in the air for at least an hour, this time it was just wishing each other good tidings. Very funny but somehow, we managed to celebrate Christmas how it is meant to be; a silent night.

3. Hope You Watched The Headies

I love the entertainment industry and I love music. So I took my time and I watched the headies award. Darey’s “Pray for me” is a powerful and inspirational song so I understand why it won three awards. Kiss Daniel stepped it up big time this year especially with that song “Mama” so pretty everyone understands why he won album of the year, Tekno was not even there because of his unruly comments and we understand even though Nigerians will tell you he was the man that set pulses rolling last year. Other winners; Falz, Clarence Peters, Olamide, Ill Bliss, Simi did well also. I just don’t understand how the Starboy Wizkid went on to win artiste of the year when he did not even drop one single in the whole of last year. ***Somehow***

4. Naddy Obeng

We probably have not heard of her, but this is a very hot Ghanaian lady with HIV who has sworn to infect 400 men before she dies. We know half the population of those living in Ghana are Nigerians, so for our randy men over there who have a thing for pretty ladies, run for your life if the her name begins with “N”. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. And we down here should be very careful too, after all Nigeria is not far from Ghana.

5. Seized Rice Distributed to IDP’s

It was NAFDAC and custom that came out to tell us that most of the rice imported from the border towns are not good for consumption so they banned border importation. Some business men tried to smuggle it through but their goods were impounded, their businesses suffered, rice prices flew up. That is by the way, but this impounded bags of rice about 40,000 of them was recently shared in the internally displaced people’s camp. So I cannot help but wonder, you took the rice from the business men who worked for it because it was not good for Nigerians to consume, and then you share it to IDP’s which are Nigerians. So I have two questions for you people; do you want to silently do away with the IDP’s? Or did you deliberately cause hardship in Nigeria for the past Nine months?

6. Ibori Banks N250M in Prison

James Onanefe Ibori. The most popular governor of Delta state was recently released but that is no longer news. The news is that while he was in prison, Delta state government paid him amounts in the mould of N250M. It would not have meant anything had I not calculated that if you do an honest civil service job for the federal government for 35 years with your entitlements you will not get close to half of that amount. And yet he made it while in prison. Chai, why am I even a free man?

7. MMM Spoils Christmas Plans

It was on the 13th of December that I woke up at 4am in the morning, picked up my phone, gently logged into my personal office to get help because that was all I thought about, only to discover that all my Mavros have been frozen. From there Christmas halted, it was only a question of seeing transport money to travel at all. It is well, they said it will be back in a month, the anonymous “they”. It is our fault shaa, we were told to invest spare money we all got greedy. Like every other ponzi scheme, it has gotten to the point where we all are living hope.

8. The Team to Beat

I remember the face of Antonio Conte when Chelsea was 3 goals down against Arsenal three months ago. That seems a long time from now because not only have they overcome that defeat, they have won 13 games on the bounce since then. You can hate all you want but Diego Costa is playing like a man against the world and Kante and Moses are proving serious points. They have shown title credentials and Chelsea my friend is the team to beat.

9. Yahaya Jammeh; My Clown of the Year

Goodluck Ebele Jonathan and Hilary Clinton have something in common, they summoned courage to call their opponents and concede defeat after they lost presidential elections. To follow in this footstep of heroes, Yahaya Jammeh played the same stunt, only for his liver to cut and he made a u-turn refusing to leave power. Now the eyes of the world are on Gambia, Ecomog soldiers are camping in his backyard, he called the visit of Africa leaders a mere formality, and what happened to Mubarak, Gbagbo and Gadaffi is surely not far from him. This man no get mind dey form James bond, but his kind of people keeps this series going, and that’s why he wins my clown of the year for 2016.

10. Christmas Day Tragedy. Again!

I heard some part of Nigerian brewery got burnt down in Lagos and I thanked God no lives were lost. Then the news of what happened in southern Kaduna drifted in, Innocent people shot to death by extremists and I could not help but ask why? It has become a norm that something tragic happens on Christmas days in Nigeria and it has gained a very annoying and consistent streak. I pray for their souls and hope for a better 2017; no more Madalla blast, no more tanker collapse and definitely not Southern Kaduna killings.

It has been a splendid year indeed, and our anniversary on “Ten things I learnt this month” series, yea it’s been a year. And I want to appreciate my editor Constance and all my readers out there, it is all for you. If you have contributions or suggestions, kindly drop a comment below. A prosperous new year to you all, I will see you at the end of January but till then, I am still yours sincerely. 

                                   

                                                                                                 Dubem Val