Is president Buhari d**d? Ma bi mi ni Jamb question, go and ask Simi. But you don’t get to hide a pregnancy the same way you don’t get to come back from the great beyond. Anyway, for a month that saw a friendly fire kill hundreds in an IDP camp, this is to the man of God apostle Suleiman and the ten things we learned in the month of January.
1. The Yahaya Jammeh Story
After president Buhari and other African leaders like Zuma and Mahama left from visiting Jammeh in December begging him to leave power, Jammeh called their visit a mere formality. President Buhari defined a mere formality for him when 7000 Nigerian ECOMOG soldiers were camped at his backyard in Senegal waiting to decimate him; nobody told the man to run for his dear life. Twenty-two years, I could not even read A, B, C… when this man became president. No one is born to rule forever and it is always better to leave when the ovation is loudest.
2. Apostle Johnson Suleiman
The man of the month. “If you see Fulani herdsmen by your house, KILL THEM. They have been killing Christians and nothing has happened so we will kill them and nothing will happen.” Gbagam; that my brethren is the spirit. Until of course two truckloads of DSS operatives came to steal the man away from his hotel room in Ekiti, and governor Fayose, always able, swung into action and saved the day in a Jackie Chan fashion. After a more gentle approach, the man turned himself to DSS accompanied by a score of Lawyers and security. He made history, being the first wanted man to voluntarily visit DSS and leave in 12 hours. Ask Fani Kayode, he went to honor an invitation and spent two months. So thumbs up Suleiman, but warn DSS, this attitude of stealing people away is becoming outdated.
3. 2baba Nationwide Protest
Guess you have heard of it, we are all heading out on February 6th fully behind the most decorated musician that Africa has got to offer. 2face Idibia is demanding answers from the Buhari led federal government as to how the country degenerated to this level under him. So we will go there because I have some question too. Like how a painter of garri started to cost N1,000 and how they jumped December and paid Delta state corps members January allawee? Too many questions.
4. What is this Rumor about the President?
Well, the president in his usual manner decided to take his normal ten days’ vacation from office, the 3rd time in his regime. But there is something conspicuously strange about this vacation, as there are serious rumors that he has vacated to the other side for good. The veracity of that information has not been verified even though we cannot underestimate the potentials it has of making over 100million Nigerians leap up in joy. Anyway, I have seen pictures of him sipping coffee with his wife and watching TV, but then I think we saw pictures of Yaradua too. I am just thinking, being indifferent and hope the president comes back hearty and hale because my questions are still unanswered.
5. Mistress Elopes with Bailout Fund
I remember enjoining the ghost that slapped Okorocha early last year to visit governor Okowa of Delta state. I just cannot tell why the ghost failed to do that. Come to Delta state, salaries are being owed like it’s a normal thing, workers are always paid in percentages and when the federal government brings in funds to bail the state out, this man decided to stash the money in a foreign account. To avoid him being traced he used the mistress’s account who in turn duped him and eloped with the money. Chai, you see the kind of leaders we get in Nigeria. Not even wife, child, relation, trusted friend, aide, or even servant that you can always hold onto but a mistress. All is well they say in love and war, and Ifeanyi Okowa has used Delta state money for love.
6. The IDP Bomb
When some things begin to happen, I begin to wonder. How did jet fighter get its coordinate wrong and of all places, sends down missile bombs to the same people who we were trying to defend from enemy bombs? What baffles me more was the fact that air force once passed up to bomb Boko haram terrorists on the ground that they were using human shields only to release the bomb, not once but twice in an IDP camp. The president and the military chiefs were quick to jump to their defense but then these guys should be facing a court martial. Things don’t just work well in this country, and we wonder why 2baba is protesting.
7. Secret Trials.
Seriously, is this a military regime? In a high-profile case that could eventually decide if this country makes or breaks like that of Nnamdi Kanu, the judge and the government suddenly declares a secreted trial behind curtains. Where does this happen in the 21st century? The last time a secret trial happened in Nigeria it was that of Beeson Saro-Wiwa and his Ogoni eight; they all ended in the gallows in Port Harcourt. Buhari should beware; Kanu is a political prisoner and if he suffers anything that resembles that fate of Saro-Wiwa, this country might just ...
8. Our Very Own Football Wedding
On the 24th of June 2017, arguably the best player that has ever graced the pitch of football will be retiring from the playing field of singles. Yea, Lionel Messi himself is getting married to his childhood sweetheart at his hometown in Argentina. After nine years of dating, they are tying the knots. He might definitely be winning Ronaldo on the football pitch duel but when it gets to the other playing ground, Ronaldo is still at the top of his game while Messi is already retiring.
9. Hurricane Trump
Within his 10 rule as the US president, Trump has deleted the gay rights, made unfavorable foreign policies that have angered other world superpowers like France and Germany He fired the US attorney general from office at point blank range. Russia and China have already ganged up against the US in what could lead to a 3rd world war, US citizens have been banned from entering Iraq and the state of California has already submitted a proposal to be an independent nation of their own. America is still wondering what hit them. It is the whirlwind hurricane, Donald Trump.
10. MMM Oooooh…….is Back Again
For where? Suddenly everyone started getting help on the 13th of January as to the proposed 14th, and a very good fellow of mine composed the 40 seconds hit track video with all the passion you can put together. You need to see that clip by the way. But has MMM paid? No. they started campaigning that you should keep your PH handy, and then suddenly all the GH disappeared and was rolled back. A limit was set for 31k and suddenly reduced to 15k. The worst was that Mr. Andrew who is the brain behind MMM Nigeria chose a very bad time to go for a vacation with the family. Who wan come pay again? So is MMM back? Tor! I still don’t entertain Jamb questions so feel free to still go and ask Simi. Thank you.
I would have loved to continue, but we are in February, the month of love. So permit me to go and celebrate my birthday and Val. Till I see you next month, stay cool but don’t forget to turn up on the 6th of February for the protest.
Dubem Val
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