Some
two years ago we heard of a set of girls who were kidnapped somewhere in Chibok
while writing their WAEC examination, they became the legendary missing girls.
Then earlier this year, a financial document that was supposed to guide a
country for a whole year hilariously disappeared, they termed it the missing
budget. Now, the moon that was supposed to usher in our dear Eid El Fitr did
not appear at the designated time, now I don’t know what to call it but this is
to the missing moon and the ten things we learnt
in this Month of our Lord July:
1) Happy Anniversary Father Mbaka
The
powerful catholic cleric predicted the president’s victory in the 2015 election
being the only Nigerian Christian prophet to boldly declare defeat against the
then incumbent Goodluck Jonathan. It was no surprise that Buhari sent him a
goodwill message on the 21st anniversary of his priestly ordination
but the way he replied on the adoration ground would make you laugh; he
criticized president Buhari for economic hardship in the country, warned him
that Nigerians might vote him out come 2019 and questioned the rationale of
calling the avengers criminals giving the damage already done to their ecosystem with little benefit. Mhen! Our dear daddy surely loves a
controversy.
2) Where Went the Sallah Moon?
On
the supposed night before Eid el Fitr, the moon failed to appear and it caused
a frenzy in Nigeria. While some took
advantage of that to calm down their nerves on social media, other decided to
give themselves high BP by arguing that if it were Christians the public
holiday would not be extended. As for me,
I look on the bright side of things, almost one free week of public holidays.
If that is what not seeing the moon entails then I am already praying to God
that this reoccurs next year.
3) Who is planning to Remove Ekweremadu?
His
name is Bukola Saraki, he was a former governor who failed to declare his
assets fully, uses tax payers money to fund his buoyant lifestyle, his name
appeared in the Panama papers among those who stashed properties overseas, his
case has been in court for the past seven months, and at a point he had over 80
senators accompanying him to court. He is
Nigeria’s senate president and with all this no one is comfortable with
impeaching him. But Ekweremadu has little skeletons in his cupboard and they
all are shouting for him to be thrown out of office. It is not enough that I am
Ibo, anyone who wants to prove to me that this is not selective justice and
partisan politics should comment. So for the APC candidates shouting starting
from John Oyegun, they should please open their cupboards.
4) Have you heard of Vivian Okeke?
Yes
I have, she was the Ambassadorial nominee
who needed help to finish singing the national anthem. I can’t stress much on
this but no matter her pedigree, a person like that has no business with
representing Nigeria.
5) Penny wise; Pound foolish
When
the amnesty program expired last year, the FG argued that with the falling oil
prices they did not have the requisite fund to finance such program. What followed,
avengers took the creek by storm, MEND is resurfacing its head, Nigeria
production has cut down by some 1 million barrels, and our dear FG is spending
the money we don’t have to equip and feed our military to fight the fine boys
of the creek. Who says education is not necessary should look at Yaradua’s
government because the way I see it, this is a classic case of penny wise pound
foolish.
6) A Eulogy to
Evangelist Eunice Olawale
Just
last month I was speaking of living and letting us live. But they have no
interest in letting us live; they killed a wonderful mother of seven whose only
crime was going out preaching and trying to win souls for the Lord. Tears as
thick as blood was cried, emotions as strong as an ocean wave flowed, your
death is a monumental loss to your family and the whole RCCG family. Rest in
peace Madam, and trust that justice divine will catch up with the religious
fanatic that brought your imperfect end.
7) Money Tree: Let’s Look Into That
While
most honest Nigerians are starving to death and others cannot find money to
meet their sundry expenses, and in times when most state civil servants are
being owed salaries, EFCC harvested N1.5 billion that was planted in a farmland somewhere in Abuja. Not long ago, a
certain general stashed a million dollars in a septic tank, now someone has
buried N1.5 billion in a farmland; who knows it might have grown into a money
tree or maybe we still need to look into such technology.
8) Congratulations Team Portugal
Did
you watch EUROES 2016? Just listen to
this analogy; while you graduated top of your class and went on to become a
reputable civil servant and working 35 years for peanuts, there is always this
your friend that graduated with a 3rd
class and went on to become a billionaire in 5 years. This was Portugal in euros 2016. From the poorest team to being the
champions, congratulations to them.
9) The
Prisoner of Conscience
Yea,
most of us might have forgotten of our dear Biafran activist but I have not, while
he might still be in prison he has already become a leader and a father figure to
the inmates around him. Recently he organized a football competition and still
very steadfast that he will not renounce Biafra. The Prisoner of conscience; we
still believe in you and in your abilities, you are fighting the good fight but
first of all, we want you out of prison.
10) Have You Seen the Recovered Loot?
Well,
finally the recovered loot was published after much said, and just in case you
have not seen it I can give you a rough estimate; over N209 billion, $9 billion,
5 million pounds, and 300,000 Euros. With these overwhelming
figures, we can simply conclude that the
anti-corruption war is yielding fruit but the fruit seems to be sitting idle in
a basket and not put to good use. Mr. President
promised to mention the looters on democracy day; we are still waiting for him
to make good on his promise.
Adieus!
Till I speak to you again about August, I hope you are anticipating the EPL
just like I am.
Dubie Val
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