Ten Lessons from the Month of January

THE MONTH OF JANUARY AND THE 10 LESSONS WE LEARNT

So, as the New Year begun with all glitz and glamour, we were all filled with new vigor and refreshed hope for a new beginning or a better life. And after what seems like eternity, the first month of the year finally came to an end but we have to ask if the month of January met our expectations, both personally and as a citizen of this country Nigeria.

Here are the ten things we have learnt this January.

1. History is Everything in Dasukigate

You will agree that for the past three months, Col. Sambo Dasuki has been the biggest celebrity in Nigeria. And we all know the reason why, but let’s go down history lane for a tweeny winny moment. In the wee hours of 27th August 1985, the then C-in-C of Nigeria, Muhammadu Buhari, knew there was trouble in his residence in Dodan barracks. His deputy General Idiagbon was in Mecca, his chief of Army staff General Babangida could not be reached on phone, so was his ADC Col. Jokolo and commander of Brigade guards Col. Aliyu. He was definitely not surprised when four vibrant and well trained junior officers namely; Major Dangiwa, Major Gwadabe, Major Aminu, and one Major Sambo Dasuki who later turned out to be the National Security Adviser of Nigeria in a much later democratic system, walked in and effortlessly arrested the erstwhile C-in-C and took him to Bonny Camp. I bet, though, that if the then major had telepathic abilities like Hiro Nakamura he would not have partaken in that particular assignment.
Thirty years later, he became an NSA chief, enjoyed the large part of a $2.1billion buffet when the nation was in crisis, and as his luck would ride him is now under investigation by the administration of a man he once ousted thirty years back.

Nawaa o, I feel serious pity for Dasuki for two reasons; the first being that in the past administration, we had a petroleum minister that purportedly embezzled $20billion, a Governor in the south south that looted the state to the ground even though he beautified the state and built a new stadium, and a host of others and yet none of them is getting the publicity the Dasukigate is getting right now. The second reason being that the man is a serious cheerful giver, you just need to look at the number of people that have admitted getting N100million naira bounty since this case started even though they claim it is not from him.
Hmm Nigeria! I for like sabi that man when e be NSA chief o, but shaa, you must return our money full stop.

2. Farce of the Year; 2016 National Budget

I must admit that the locomotive abilities of the 2016 national budget has gotten to a farcical level. First of all 109 able bodied and duly elected or selected senators came out and told us that a budget delivered to them for approval took some hint from Harry Houdini and disappeared into thin air. Then there was a clarion call on social media for Akara and Suya sellers to pay special attention to the papers they use for their business as it might coincidentally turn out to be our budget. That was of course before a senator bravely came forth and told us that Mr. President was the culprit.

Since then we have seen the budget read in the national assembly and how it was not approved on the grounds that some hefty allocations were slashed. I concur, but this really got me wondering: how did these senators know that the allocations were slashed when the budget went miraculously missing at the point of first delivery? Or are we to believe that some of them secretly armed themselves with the first budget and yet declared it missing. **Clears throat**, food for thought.

3. Dikko Affair – Part Two

This is my favorite story in the history of Nigerian Espionage and anytime I read it, I laugh out loud. On New Year day in 1984, President Buhari released a list of Nigerians who are wanted for corruption and looting the country to ground zero. Top of that list was Umaru Dikko who had already fled to London and was enjoying his ill gotten wealth. All attempts to extradite him proved abortive. That was when Nigerian spies with the help of MOSSAD agents did something I am sure will make the CIA, KGB, MI6 and NSA green with envy. They tracked Dikko to his house, injected him and threw him inside a cargo crate and was about to ship him back to Nigeria as diplomatic baggage when their plans foiled at the sea port because crate was not well labeled.
Now under Buhari’s very nose, another Dikko has taken to his heels. Speaking of the former comptroller general of Nigeria custom services, Abdullahi Inde Dikko, who willingly resigned and relocated to Dubai immediately after hand over. He has since then been summoned by the EFCC to explain how he acquired properties running worth billions of naira under six years with the salary of Comptroller general. A call he has refused to honor. Well, he should be aware that Nigeria and those bearing Dikko as their names have a love affair especially under the Buhari regime, and if another operation is sanctioned this time, there will be no room for errors.

4. LASSA Fever Grips Nigeria

Selling Rat poison is one business that is mocked round this country. If you had told those in this business that they would have their pockets smiling this January, they would have taken you for a comedian. I too have patronized them, but I really thought I had a problem armed with my N200, when I heard a woman demanding for N1500 worth of the commodity. Ah, I became speechless and took my own sharply, before the woman clears the whole shop. The funniest part of this drama was when I heard that everyone should keep off from soaking garri and I could not help but wonder, if Nigerian students were listening to this people? Lol!

We have seen several deaths since the first wave of this disease and I trust that soon we would free from it. Keep clean and stay away from rats.

5. 3000 Workers, Does Okorocha Surprise You Anymore?

No, he doesn’t surprise me. The hand writing has really been on the wall for a very long time. When he sacked 10,000 workers employed by Ohakim towards the end of his regime, people simply bought it as part of his rescue mission. Now history has repeated again. I have said times with numbers that Imo state needs rescuing from that rescue mission as it only seem to be leading them deeper down the drain.
That man is simply a bully, sacking people based on a paper you coerced them into signing after rendering them payless for 9months. Common! Mister, this is civil service and not secondary school and we are calling on the NLC, the TUC and other relevant bodies to take radical action immediately and salvage what is left of Imo state civil service and of course, their Christmas tree.

6. Corruption: Operation Sweep

Hmmm, even though lots of people are shying away from saying it, I will nonetheless say it. The fight against corruption in Nigeria is in full throttle. Never before have people who held offices in previous government been on high alert like they are now, in fact the untouchable have now become accessible. It has truly been like a movie, but the EFCC are moving for the big wits, those whose boats are on fire have jumped ship into APC believing it a safe heaven. The ones with no hiding place are coming to courts on hand cuffs, some are being invited by the police albeit being on sick bed, while others are moving from country to country in search of succor. Hmmm, their crimes against the land are pursuing them and I can promise they will not outrun it.
The Fani Kayode’s of this world will still believe that Buhari is a conservative who does not bear any plan in sight for this country; but I tell you man, even if this is true and he succeeds in fighting corruption then I will build him a medal. Because that is the only problem we have.

7. Statistics of the Year

55 persons stole a total of 1.34trillion naira from Nigeria in 8 years. 15 former Governors stole N146.84billion, 4 former ministers stole N7billion, 12 former public office holders stole N12billion, 8 people in the banking industry stole N524 billion, and 11 business men stole N653billion. Wow! Those are the words of our minister of information and I hardly doubt them, neither does it surprise me.
I am a statistician but my first thought after reading this was to go and become a banker. It is just a thought o!

8. Kanu Grows White Beard in Behind Bars

Just before now there was just one thing I would not wish on my worst enemy, and that was death. But after seeing Nnamdi Kanu and his new look, I have made it two things I won’t wish on my worst enemy. The government is exercising their muscles flouting court orders and the man is shrinking and growing grey hairs before his time.
Anyone who seriously thinks that the Ibos and Niger Delta’s have not been disadvantaged for a very long time in this country must be living in a dream world. So I really like Kanu, he is fighting a just cause; I only disagree with his methods.

9. Just Who Will Start the Third World War?

Funny question ah, but really important; I was backing Vladimir Putin of Russia to be the man when he was dumping bombs in Ukraine for fun last year, well the tides have turned after Kim Jong-un of North Korea decided to test a hydrogen bomb on his own soil earlier this year. Much to the displeasure of the entire western world.
Well if you are popular with nairabet, you might be good at assigning odds; so I am still going with Russia at 2/5, north Korea at 3/8, ISIS at 6/14, the USA at a comfortable 10/200, But the odd of Nigeria should be somewhere along 2/3000. Common guys, we have corrupt politicians to worry about. All the same, the earlier the united nations and other relevant bodies looks into this nuclear testing and bring an end to all of it, the better for us because I am still young and not in any mood to experience war.

10. And Oh!  Happy New Year

Eh, I know I am leaving it for last but as the saying goes, save the best for last. It is New Year and what has not happened; The National budget went missing and then reappeared, Dickson won the election in Bayelsa state, APC chairman told us the party was broke and I am having a hard time believing that. What else; EFCC invited Tom Polo for a drink but he lost the I.V, Kogi state finally has a non- Igala Governor, Nigeria crashed out of CHAN, plus no team wants to win the English premier league. Amaechi and Peterside must be regretting why they did not join Winners chapel in their 21 days fasting or attend 5 nights of Glory as Nyesom Wike now sleeps comfortable in Rivers State Government house with both eyes closed.

On a lighter note; I bought fuel for N86.50, hmm, long may the price continue to fall and do I hear an AMEN! University of Ibadan became Nigeria’s best tertiary institution as FUTO retained their 12th position of three years to be best university of Technology.

Dem no dey tire?

On a personal level I still don’t have a resolution for the 7th year and running, since I have such difficult time keeping to them. So you see, a lot has happened and even though 30 days have gone by,

I still want to say; HAPPY NEW YEAR till we meet again next month.

                  

                                                                         Written by;  DUBEM VAL